Meek Mill

Sitting here. Sitting here thinking and listening to what sounds like someone using a jack hammer outside. 🤷🏽‍♀️ I’m always thinking. I’m thinking about how life infinitely changes. Our dreams, aspirations, and goals. What I once wanted out of life seems like such a vague memory. I’ve changed so much over the years, but a part of me will always be the same. I’m eternally grateful for growth... and what comes with it.   I see the person I’m becoming more clearly. I’m becoming more in tune with myself and more aware. 

They’ve always said when you’re in the 30+ gang, it gets to become more clearer. Best believe, I have a lot more growing to do, but it doesn’t seem as daunting. I’m actually looking forward to it. I’m still nervous about the future and what’s to come. But, like I always say... day by day. 

Stability is all I’ve ever wanted, along with being understood. I’ve felt misunderstood the majority of my life. I felt like I had no one to sincerely listen to me or my plight. Now, I am that for others. Ironic, huh? Yes, I’d say so. Now I’m okay with being misunderstood. I now know we’re not meant to be understood. It took almost my whole life to figure this tidbit out. Being a strange bird, loner,quiet/shy, and a misfit has made me who I am. I’m forever thankful. Our dreams will always change, as well as our goals. I’m on a new path. And even though I’m nervous about it... in the same sense I’ve never been so sure. I deserve all the good things life has to offer. I deserve love, success, peace, and stability. We all do. 

Sometimes we just gotta really think about shit and put it into perspective. That’s what this moment is. 

 

love. all ways. always. 

737

I haven’t been to sleep since yesterday. My head is hurting and idk why. It’s extremely gloomy and somber outside. Currently listening to Alina Baraz album on my record player. Maybe I should pray for peace. Other than this state I’m in right now, everything else is cool for the most part. 

I’ve been thinking about how this year has been going thus far. It’s been interesting, that’s for sure. I’ve also been thinking about how I grew up, which is random I know. I grew up being sheltered. I was shy and quiet. I’ve always stayed to myself. I’ve forever been genuine with a big heart to match. I always thought I’ve been different because I considered myself to be a loner, which now in today’s society is known as an introvert. With that being said, I grew up in a household full of women. They never taught me how to be a woman per se. As a kid, I often felt alone and misunderstood. Come to think of it, I was probably depressed back then and didn’t know it. Le sigh... 

In hindsight, I wasn’t taught a lot. I was just told to make decent grades and don’t come home with any babies. My mom definitely put fear in my heart. I had so many ambitions, but I was never taught how to go out and actually achieve them. Through it all, I’ve maintained. I’ve stayed down, genuine, honest and loving... even when I didn’t want or know how to. 32 feels good. Coming into more into myself. I love the best way I know how. I’m constantly learning and growing. Doing my damnest to make good decisions, while living unapologetically. 

it’s love. All ways. Always.