An Ongoing Process...

A good friend of mine named me "Sunny" because she said I brightened up her day. I digg the name Sunny. No one else calls me that except for her. I feel like Sunny is my alter ego. Sunny is the person I aspire to be. Life is so boring right about now. No boyfriend, no activity, nothing. Everyone thinks I should be dating or at least pursuing someone. At the tender age of 20. I haven't dated anyone seriously since my freshman yr. of college, which was 2006/2007. And, that was a diaster at it's finest. I think that you have your pros and cons when your single vs. being in a relationship. When your in a relationship you go out with that person, you call the person, and kick it with that person. I guess that's all well and good. But, for me, after a certain point of time..I'm like dang I wish I was single. But then when I'm single, I wish to have a person in my life who I can talk to and confide in, kick it with, and show me affection. Maybe I just haven't found the right person yet. It's been making me wonder here lately, ALOT.

Will I ever find someone that loves me for me? Will I ever find out the proper procedures of dating? Wait a minute..are there proper procedures for dating? Lol. I have no idea. It just makes me wonder. Right about now..I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. When that time comes or that person comes [so to speak]...I'll know. Or at least that's what everyone is telling me.

I know one thing that I am not missing out on..and that's pregnancy. It dang near feel like pregnancy is a freakin' frackin' epidemic. That's one activity I choose not to be involved in...is sexual encounters. Not gay or anything like that. But, I am a proud virgin. YUP, I SAID IT! I'm willing to wait, and there's no rush. Plus, I'm too afraid of the consquences that go along with having sex. I'm not ready for all that yet. However, my hormones are. Lol. I just need some affection not necessarily sex. Thank God, that I have self-control and self-respect. Hopefully, it'll be well worth it in the end.

I have self-respect..but I need to learn how to love myself. Uncontrollable and undying love for myself. I can look in the mirror and be content with who I am. I haven't gotten to the place yet. I know when I get there, it'll be an amazing feeling. We change and evolve everyday. And, I am learning more about myself in the process. I'm accepting that life isn't always perfect and it's a constant rollercoaster..it just depends on how you deal with the ride.