Summa Tings

Life. It sure has a way of humbling you. I’m a witness. So many things I’m realizing these days. One is that life is precious and it is to be lived the way that you want it to; as long as it’s legal and you aren’t hurting anyone. Secondly, time waits for NO ONE. Thirdly, if you want something bad enough, 🗣YOU WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN. That’s where I am right now. I’ve been talking about it and fantasizing about it for years. It’s time to stop bs’n and make my dream come a reality. I’m actually excited now that I have a plan in motion. I know it will be far from easy, but I know ((or at least hope) it’ll be worth it in the end. 32 feels really grown up to me. Idk why, lol. I still lowkey look like a baby in the face but I’m an adult. 🤦🏽‍♀️ I never quite had a plan for my life or where exactly I wanted to go. I’ve just always wanted stability. A strong yearning for it. I haven’t had it throughout my adulthood. I’ve stayed on the struggle bus tryna maintain because I’ve had to live in survival mode. It’s no fault of my own. Life mostly happens to us and as cliché as it may sound, it’s all about how we react. And of course everyone’s journey is different. I’ve had hella good things happen, as well as bad... but I’ve done my best to not live by that. I don’t want the good things to define me, nor the bad. I’m just finding my way. I’m still striving for happiness, love, peace, and security within myself. Slowly but surely I’m curating the life I want. It’s all a process. Not so much about the right now, but moreso about the ‘end game.’ What is that you want out of life? Are you happy? What are you working towards? Questions I’ve been asking myself lately. I’m getting older and the days keep rolling by, which turn into weeks, months, and years. I want something magnificent and magical to show for myself. I don’t wanna be miserable, regretful, and bitter when I’m 40+. That’s a terrible way to live. My spirit and soul are so much bigger than that. I want all the happiness, peace, and love my heart can hold. I not only want that, I deserve it. We all do. 

love. all ways. always. 

143

To be genuine, faithful, loyal, and always be 100 these days is damn near impossible. I classify myself as being a solid individual. I always do what’s asked of me, even when I don’t want to. I always show up for people. With everything I do,    

I’m solid and I love that about me. It’s rare that you find someone on the same wavelength. One person that is the epitome of that is my father. I’m pretty sure that’s where I get it from. He’s a man of his word. So much that, he’s taught me that all you have is your word. Some years ago, he told me... “One day you’re gonna want a man like me. “When he said it, I was like “ewwww, what?!?! I don’t wanna man like YOU.”

And lemme tell you... I couldn’t of been more wrong. I want someone exactly like him. My dad is old school and ALWAYS keeps it 💯. He’s never lied to me. He’s ALWAYS come through when I need him x 10. He’s SOLID. That’s what I’ve wanted for a very long time. Now I have it... and I’m just in awe. He reminds me so much of my father that it’s scary. It doesn’t take a lot to appease me. But, I appreciate him so much. He’s hardworking, giving, funny, loveable, honest (sometimes too honest) and most importantly SOLID. 

SOLID isn’t a word that is used to often these days, but, I wanna bring it back. For so long I used to think something was/is wrong with me because I’m too hard on the outside. I’m too mean or I’m not dysfunctional enough. I’ve always been in my own lane, which is weird for most men. Because they like women that have nothing to offer, hella drama, or are thot pockets; that’s the reality of it. 

So in this present time... I’m grateful and always appreciative for the gift of being solid AND it being reciprocated by someone I care about. It’s an amazing feeling and I definitely don’t take it for granted. I wish we had more men in the world like this, specifically black men. However, I’ll admire my significant other, my father and the other great men in my life that exhibit the same qualities. You all are appreciated... in more ways than one.

love. all ways. always.