Recap

This year started off amazing. Job opportunities and a rekindled flame. Things seem to be on the up & I was doing my best to just go with the flow. By April, I was single. May I was turning 30. June I felt the pressure of turning 30 & had a mental/emotional breakdown. July I was working like crazy just to distract myself from what I was feeling & to ease my pain. August I was beyond frustrated & annoyed with my job, which segues into September and I had 2 major anxiety attacks. In the midst of all this ...I forgot to mention I was working 6-7 days a week...between my regular job & a weekend side hustle.

I was hoping that October would be better, which it was until I got into a car accident the week that I was moving into my new crib. 😤 The silver lining was that the accident could've been a lot worse. Thank God for constantly keeping me covered. I was shook up by the accident, BUT everything worked itself out. I came out of the situation uninjured, my car was taken care of by insurance, & I was still able to work. The same week I moved into my new space. At first, I wasn't excited about it. Now? I'm soooooooo glad I'm back in my own crib. I can just BE. I'm incredibly thankful for the little things. I do my best not to take anything for granted.

There's one more day of 2018. I'm working. I have a car. I have an apartment. I have able limbs. I'm in my right mind. etc etc. I'm blessed. I've cut my locs & for me that signifies an ending of a chapter, starting anew, & most importantly FREEDOM. I really want this new found freedom to roll over into other aspects of my life. I wanna shake this negative mindset & constantly overthinking shit. I just wanna be happy. Unlearning bad habits & working on self is the new journey I'm on.

I don't believe in resolutions, just goals. I guess I should write them on paper because I'm already getting overwhelmed as I type this out. 😫 2018 has taught me that I'm really getting older. 😂 Also some other things:

1. I should live in the moment. Don't focus on the future so much, because it doesn't really exist.

2. I can do whatever I want to do.. as long as it's not ridiculously reckless, illegal, or I'm not hurting anyone.

3. As much as I want to be boo'd up & in a relationship. I need to discover myself. I need to love myself. And understand what it is I truly want for myself. Learn how to love & know how I want to be loved.

4. I don't give a fuck about what anyone says about me, esp if its negative.

5. If things don't go my way, don't get too bent shape about it. Just pray and keep it pushing.

6. Lastly...I HAVE to take better care of my body.

2019 feels like its gonna be a good one. I'm claiming it. I'm speaking it. I'm believing it.

let's get it. 💙

Freedom

A lot of things have changed in the course of my 20s. Now that I'm 30...it's as if the light has been turned on. I'm finally coming into myself. I'm learning who I am, what I want/need, and just being comfortable with myself. The biggest lesson that will forever be a lifelong journey is UNLEARNING bad habits.

I'm done talking about shit, I just do it. For a couple of years now I have been talking about cutting my locs. I said when I turned 30. Part of me has been afraid to do such a major change. But this year, I understood how necessary it was to go thru with it. I started my locs in 2009, when I came home from the Navy. I had them for officially 9 years. My mentor aka my other mom is the one that always did my hair. I've been begging & pleading for her to cut them. She kept telling me no. In November I FINALLY wore her down and she said fine. I was shocked that she actually agreed.

Long story, short....up until the day of, I wasn't sure how to feel. I was scared of what people might say, their reactions & I didn't want to explain my decision. On Saturday, 12/22/2018...it was about to go down! I had made my mind up that I was happy, excited, nervous and ready. On my way to my loctician's house....I had a conversation with God & myself. I was good.

I got to her house and she cut my locs super fast. The first section she cut, I was like omg!!! She said, "nope you can't turn back now." 😐 She was done in about 15 mins. It was such a crazy feeling to actually rub my hands thru my scalp and SEE my hair this short. Shortly after she washed it and headed to the barbershop. We got there somewhat early too & it was packed. 🙄 I waited about 2 hours & then her brother cut it. I can't lie, my anxiety was super high. I kept feeling myself tense up...but at the same time I was doing my damnest to stay calm.

He finished in about 40 mins. Went back to her house, and she dyed it. It was really sinking in what I had just did. Overall, I'm glad that I did it. I feel so free. I pray this feeling will roll over into other aspects of my life in 2019. Some might say that this was a drastic decision....but it wasn't. It was planned.

With me cutting my locs after 9 years...it's like I let go of so much dead weight, literally & figuratively. I don't expect other folks to understand. I don't care what people say. At the end of the day, I did it for me & only me.

IT 👏🏽IS 👏🏽JUST👏🏽 HAIR!!! It will grow back. I am becoming more comfortable within who I am. I'm cool with it. You ain't gotta agree but you will respect it.

It's all about freedom & healing. I'm claiming it in all aspects of my life. And I believe this is the first step in the right direction.

I'm with the shitz. ❤