There is an ongoing internal battle with myself. I am physically, emotionally, and mentally depleted. Like I always say, some days are better than others. This week tho? Beyond draining. I am frustrated, annoyed, and most importantly OVER IT. Today I came to the realization that what I thought was once important...is not. I am not happy.
The very thing that I once wanted is now void. For so long, I’ve been doing my damnest to make shit shake. To do the right thing and follow the path that I thought was meant for me. I still dunno what my purpose is. I think I’m done tryna figure it out. The good thing about me is that I’m adaptable to change. I never mind something else that is outside of my plan or getting rid of the plan.
I was never “really” sure about being an aviation mechic. I just dove straight in and hoped for the best. Today I realized this is not what I want from myself and I should do better with listening to my intuition. There’s alotta factors that have attributed the decision that I mentally made today. Luckily, I am ok with starting over and doing something different. I am taking the pressure off indefinitely. I still want to be in aviation but just not this aspect of it.
I talked my mom earlier and I was literally on the verge of thug tears. She basically told me not to be frustrated and don’t let any job make you upset. And, how the devil was tryna mess with me. Lol. Also, if it’s not something that I wanna continue to pursue...that’s okay. Lastly but not least, age doesn’t define me. Just because I’m 31 and don’t have it figured out...it’s ok. I’m still young and I’m gonna prosper. Kudos to my mama. All of the things she said made me really wanna hug and let her squeeze me tight while saying...”it’s gon be ok big girl.”
The last couple of weeks I’ve majorly been in my box o’ feelings. When anxiety strikes... it’s difficult to feel normal or not feel the burden of overthinking. It makes your spirit and your whole being feel extremely heavy. Like I said before, some days are better than others. I need to refocus and shift my energy. This space is uncomfortable, which causes growth and that’s important as well.
I wish I was great at stuff. Like being an amazing dancer, incredible chef, a dope hair stylist or even a singer. 🤔 All I can do is continue to be me and pray that tomorrow is a better day. While also praying that God’s plan is bigger and better than my own. I mean HE does know all and see all.
If/when you read this...please pray for me. I’d greatly appreciate it.
Love. All ways. Always.
