Let's be real. I normally hate the holidays. It's just another day to me. Because my family dynamic is so jacked up, I typically feel some type of way especially on Thanksgiving and Christmas. I have always wanted to change my feelings about it. But, I knew it wouldn't change until I had a family of my own or I started my own traditions. This year is completely different and I am thankful for that. I am actually excited. I have been with my significant other a year, so I am looking forward to spending time with him and his kids. I've never been in this space. I can't lie, the last 10 years have been lonely, somewhat miserable, and definitely disheartening. That's why I just chalk it up as another day and do my best not to think about it. Everyone normally has their own thing going on... and I just don't want to be bothered. I used to be sad just thinking about it, until I became numb. I used to be so hurt that my so called, "family" would only want to get together on the holidays or if someone was sick/in the hospital. We never contact each other throughout the calendar year, but now you want me to fake the funk and act like I'm happy to see you for a day? Nahhh, I'll pass. With that being said, I appreciate my friends so much more. My friends are my family. And this year I am apart of a new family and tbh it feels really good. The only thing that really sucks is I have to work, so I can't fully enjoy the day how I want to; but I am happy to be included and feel loved in the same way. I don't think I've ever felt like this.I'm just happy to start new beginnings, even if it's not what I envisioned... and that's the best part of all.
love. all ways. always.
