Changes

Been a min since I’ve updated my status in life. I’m not honestly sure how I feel. I’m doing my best to take my own advice, which is continuing to take it day by day and not fret about the future too much.  Although I’m uncertain of my emotions of the moment... I’m optimistic of my future, work wise. It feels like the options are limitless. And for that, I’m thankful. Everything else in my life at the moment... I’m indifferent about. What I’ve realized about myself the last couple of months is, it takes me longer to process stuff... esp when someone does something fucked up to me. I have alotta thoughts in my head at the moment, so forgive me if I’m just rambling. Lol. Alotta changes have happened over the last 6 months. Including my mentality. I’ve had to forgive myself and others as well. I’ve had to start taking medication to help control my depression/anxiety. I see life a lot clearer. Some days are still somewhat foggy but I don’t feel... as heavy. Everyday isn’t a cake walk, however, I can cope a helluva lot better than I ever could before. That in itself is crazy to me. Folks have done some fucked up shit to me, especially this year. I ain’t realize how hard healing really is. Or how hard forgiveness is. That? That forgiveness is a whole notha beast. But I know that I need to do it... in order to keep healing and not be burdened by something or someone that’s irrelevant. I’ve also relalized that... I need to desperately get away from the space I’m in... meaning Indiana. Even though I always stay in my lane and mind my business, other people’s drama affects me. As much as I talk about moving to another state, I’m afraid. Complacency has never helped anyone, but more like hindered. I need to figure out a life WITHOUT drama, esp my family members. I guess I’m afraid because this is where my support system is... and I desperately NEED them. I need them more than my actual family. Hell, they are my family. 

I’m mentally and emotionally entering a new chapter in my life. And so far, it’s been a smooth transition. Like I said before, alotta shit has rocked me emotionally and mentally this year. By God’s grace... I’m still standing. Change will continue to happen whether we want it to or not. It’s just how we adapt and react. I pray that I keep that same mentality while I’m healing and working on the Trice I wanna be...