Things.

The moment you think you're doing well or at least okay....

Life forces you to see otherwise. You begin to self doubt. You begin to overthink. You begin to worry. You begin to panic. You begin to become anxious. That is where I am right now. My anxiety is on 1,000,000. My heart is beating super fast while I'm typing this. The realest thing for me to say is....I think I might need anxiety meds. Regular breathing exercises and positive thinking just aren't cutting it. There is a situation that's triggering me, and it is my fiances. It is alotta things in between, but mainly THAT.

I am so frustrated with myself. It feels like I'm in a never ending cycle of broke phi broke. I'm officially 31 and its BLEH. Yesterday I mentally promised myself that this will be the last year of being financially unable to live how I want and need. And, also having messed up credit. So, I have to stay true to this promise. Already looking for a second gig. I'm just mad at myself. I know its life and I'm human. But, I HAVE to make a conscious effort to do better. I speak about it all the time. However, living it? That's a true testament in itself.

I'm still kinda hanging on to the idea of wanting to have it ALL together by the time you're 30, but, I know that's not realistic. And everyone's journey is different. Just gotta telling myself take it day by day.

Whew. I'm taking a breath and taking a step back to refocus. Tunnel vision. That's it and that's all.

Anxiety, self doubt, self sabotaging, negativity, and the devil will not win. I got this. Just keep me in your prayers.

LOVE.