Amusement

I'm so amused right now. I'm getting on my mom's nerves. It's past time for me to go. I moved back to the city almost a year ago. I haven't lived or stayed with someone in almost 8 years. My relationship with my mom has been an interesting one throughout my 20s. Her and my dad did role reversal. My dad stepped up to the plate and has been the father I've need in all aspects. He's always been around but he came forefront when I was 22. He's legit my 65 year old best friend. My mom on the other hand has been in the shadows attempting to get her life together and live the best way she knows how.

With that being said, I never ask for anything from her or my other family members. Because I know even if I needed help, they're struggling on their on and wouldn't have anything to give. So, I've had the mindset of getting things done on my own...no matter how hard it is. In retrospect I think that has put a strain on our relationship. Before I moved back to the city I didn't talk to her that often. She would have somewhat of an attitude because I didn't contact her as much as I should. Or because I was struggling and didn't say anything.

Fast forward to last August, I moved in with her. It hasn't been all bad. But, it's time to go. It's not like I'm out here being reckless...partying, drinking, or being disrespectful in her house. I JUST NEED MY OWN. The fear of being kicked out or her growing tired of me plagues me daily. Of course that's my mother and she's not gonna see me on the street. I'm just hella paranoid. And after an eviction scare almost a month ago, I'm definitely ready to dip.

She doesn't let me know what's going on with her. When I ask questions, she acts like she's annoyed that I'm actually concerned with what's going on. Since the moment she told me that they were "trying" evict her...our dynamic has changed drastically. You don't tell me anything? Cool. I won't tell you anything either. Petty? Yes.

But, I'm down tryna worry about her. Nothing surprises me anymore. I love her til the end of this world but I can no longer be comfortable in this space. My peace has been threatened in many different ways. At least in my own space...I can control my energy, what I allow into my space and I know how my finances are.

Currently busting moves and doing what needs to be done for the sake of my livelihood. I love my mama. I do my best not to judge her and just let her be. But, it's easy to see why I distanced myself not only from her,I but other people as well...