That’s what I think when I wake up in the morning. Doing my best to continue taking it day by day. My anxiety is still on 100, pretty much all the time but I’m pushing thru. I had the realest epiphany yesterday. I am... scared. I often talk about the person I want to become, but, in actuality I’m afraid. I’m afraid of undoing/unbecoming of everything I am to become who I’m destined to be. Maybe all these trials & tribulations this year is literally to help me undo my current self & becomebetter. To get rid of my negative neuropaths & to build new ones. Possibly to take better care of myself...etc. The thought in itself is beyond terrifying & overwhelming. Like the idea of wanting to be better & do better is GREAT. But, realistically it’s not that easy. I guess the key is consistency & discipline, which is where I lack in a major way. But, I just have to keep reminding myself day by day. Literally day by day... because if I think too ahead into the future I begin to spiral. I’m slowly recognizing this about myself. Also, I’m realizing that I need to create boundaries. We’re 8 months into the year & I can honestly say so far... 2019 has been a doozy. I can’t lie tho... part me still wants to disassociate myself from the world & go MIA. The other part of me is beginning to understand that timing is EVERYTHING. And maybe everything that I’ve been going thru the last 10 years for this particular moment. I’ll always be a scaredy cat in a sense, but I have a little bit of peace knowing that trouble don’t last always. Not only that, but if I’ve been down... the only way to go is up.
LOVE.
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