No pants

This diagnosis is real. I’m really doing my best to stay sane. But some days are better than others and some are just... heavy. Currently at work on the verge of tears. It feels like a wave turning into a sea of emotions coming over me. I can’t necessarily explain this sadness. I’m tired of fighting. I just wanna succumb to it all. I’m not okay but yet I have to pretend to be. I hate that my emotions are all on my face. I have people in my life that love, support, and pray for me/with me. But, I feel like I’m draining them and that’s a heavy burden to bear. Because I know my current state causes them to worried and be concerned. 

In this moment, I feel like I could just walk outta work and never come back. However, I know I can’t do that... cuz your bills don’t care if you’re depressed or not. I still have to pay my rent, electric bill, phone bill etc. I just wanna be in seclusion and stay there. I’ve already shut down within the last 2 weeks, which made one of my good friends come two days in row...banging on my door and calling me non stop. Of course I couldn’t bring myself to talk to anyone or see anyone. I’m doing my damnest not to go back there. But I really want to... I desperately want to. Seclusion feels like my best friend at the moment. It all feels too heavy. I just wanna gohome, have no pants on with a comforter over my head and be in the dark. 
Pray for me... please