Whoa ‘der...

Life is interesting for sure. And God also has a funny sense of humor. Everyone knows (I think) that I’m asleep during the day because I work 3rd shift. For the past month or so I’ve been ordering way too many Amazon packages so I randomly get a knock on my door. Ironically today, I was half way woken up by the occasional knock. I received flowers. I knew they weren’t from my boo. I looked for a card on the beautiful bouquet of flowers. I read the the message and I was tryna figure out who they were from. I put 2 and 2 together. I believe they’re from a person that was once important to me. I still dunno how to feel about it. 

I’m appreciative of the sentiment. However, I’m not sure if this is an attempt to reconcile or what. I don’t want to reconcile our relationship. I don’t want to reconnect with someone that blatantly disrespected, violated, and overall has so no respect for myself, my environment, and even my mental health. I would however like to have a conversation... to get ALL of my feelings out in the most adult/mature way possible. I know that most likely I’ll never get a real apology. The timing is interesting. I don’t wanna overthink the situation. But in my mind... I’m thinking like, I got flowers... so what? What I’d like is an apology for the fuckery you did. Not only that, I would like for you to OWN what you did, acknowledge what you did, how it made me feel etc. I’m a grown woman. I can own my shit. I know who I am. I can effectively apologize. I can’t say the same for this person. 

I know I’ll never get an apology or a conversation that’s woman to woman. At the moment, I can’t say I fully forgive her. I need more time. Like I said, I appreciate the sentiment but that’s about it. 🤷🏽‍♀️

I’ll always have love for you. I can never forget you. I pray that you can heal how you need to. And I also pray that God puts it on my heart to fully forgive you... but more so for myself. Thank you for teaching me certain lessons that I carry til this day. You should take heed and practice what you preach. 

love. all ways. always.