Take It Easy.

Ayoooooooooooooo.

It’s been awhile. It is officially Feb 1st. Of course I played ‘1st of the Month’ by Bone Thugs N Harmony on repeat several times for the culture. January kinda zoomed by. I’m happy it’s a new month... cuz it creates more opportunities to accomplish unfinished goals. I’m not gonna lie, the last couple of weeks have been extremely overwhelming. Of course I never display said worries. 🙄 I just handle it the best way I can. But, my mind, spirit, and heart are extremely heavy. Primarily because I haven’t done anything I’ve needed to do. Tbh, I’m frustrated with myself. So I’m starting off fresh this month. I’m telling myself: “Continue to take things day by day, BUT, be intentional with whatever you need to do and get accomplished.” When I get off work later this morning, I intend on buying a planner for this year. I function better when I write things down and write them out. I feel so unbelievably guilty for not accomplishing anything the last couple of weeks. All I do is come home from work, chill, sip some wine, shower, hit the cloud, and go to sleep. I suppose I feel guilty, because I know I should be more productive. But then there’s rest. I need a lot of that. Even with the pandemic going on, I really enjoy being at home and not doing anything. 🤷🏽‍♀️ It seems like the older I get, the more I’m okay with not doing anything. Even going to the grocery store has become an actual errand. In a sense, I have become complacent... a place that no one should want to be. I’m subconsciously hiding from my growth.... I don’t wanna deal with that pain. The same pain I dealt with when I was therapy. Side note: I need to take my ass back to therapy. I’m actually looking forward to it. Anyway. I always speak about becoming the best version of yourself. I’m not gonna lie... I want the easy way out. I don’t wanna put the work in. Why? Cuz the honest answer is, I’m lazy and I’m not ready. When it comes to change... we can never be quite ready. I’m the type of person that can’t necessarily ‘talk’ about it constantly. I actually have to jump in and just do it. But I’m afraid. Afraid of what? Afraid to push through the limits that will allow me to be my best self. I’ve been taking it easy. Even tho easy doesn’t get you where you need to be... it’s the comfort factor and the comfort level that allows you to become stagnant. I vowed to myself in my early 20s... that I would never become that person. Yet... here I am. Ugh! See how frustrating I feel just writing this entry. What sums it up is... and most cliché saying ever: 🗣 WHEN YOU KNOW BETTER, YOU DO BETTER. 

I’m taking the first steps... and I’m gonna do what I need to... day by day. But still give myself enough grace to know that I’m human and I will fuck up. However, I still gotta give it a strong attempt... even if I fail. 

love. all ways. always.