Procsssing

Within the last day or so I've been doing some heavy thinking...and my brain just won't turn off. I'm beginning to feel how I felt in 2016/2017. I remember seeing a therapist on campus. I also remember it being therapeutic, scary, and becoming triggered... by opening up about myself and some of the experiences I have been thru. Fast forward...I'm feeling the same. The thing about me is...I function highly with depression and anxiety. Anxiety is a daily bih. And depression? It's always there but some days...it just decides to rear its ugly head. I don't know how or when it comes, it just does.

I've been in therapy 2 months and I'm starting to feel the effects of being so transparent. From dealing with issues about my family, a falling out with a friend, and just overall adulting. It all feels so heavy. I'm not saying that I expected therapy to be a one and done situation. But, clearly this healing process is gonna be a lot harder than what I initially thought. I'm also realizing its gonna take time. So many emotions I feel. Mainly overwhelming. I guess I'll pray that God gives me the strength to handle all of this. I know I need it. So much baggage to unpack. I thought I was ready but....I'm not. Better now, than later...I suppose.

This whole process is just hard. Accepting that I know I can be a better a version of myself is...the truth. But getting to this point? It takes courage...and I'm working on it.