Facts, B.

Another nite, I’m lost in my thoughts at work:

Trust. It can take forever to earn and a moment to lose. I’ve never necessarily had an issue trusting people. I guess I trust people by their actions. I trust myself the most tho. 🤷🏽‍♀️ I’m a pretty solid person. I’m a woman of action. I’m a woman of my word. If I say I’ma do sum’n...I do it. It might take me a while but I’ll get it done. I pride myself on that, because most people aren’t built that way and it lowkey irks my soul. Lol. But, I have to understand that not everyone has the same thought process as me, as well as a big heart. All of my life I’ve been trust worthy. People be telling me their business for no damn reason, they trust me with their money, and all of the above. I’ve always been kinda shocked by this. Idk why. Part of me believes it’s because I whole heartedly believe in karma. Also, I suppose I have a comfortable, open and non judgemenral energy/spirit. So I would never do anything intentional to hurt someone, ESPECIALLY if they trust me. 

Last year I had a situation that rocked me, and I guess I’m still dealing with it emotionally. Clearly it wasn’t a big deal to this person because they broke my trust and thought everything was cool after one conversation. Sheeeiiittttt, I think not. It takes me longer to process some stuff. One morning I woke up to roll over and literally thought...”damn she really betrayed me, broke my trust, and violated my space” in a day. Like forreal. Nah, FORREAL. You’re grown as hell and we’ve been rocking since I was a teenager and you do some fucked up shit like this??? It makes me doubt everything our friendship/sisterhood stood for. Clearly she didn’t/doesn’t respect me or my space. With that being said, I see her for who she really is and it’s sad. 

Even though we change and evolve everyday... I know who I am. I’m as solid as they get. If I fuck with you... it’s gonna be til the wheels fall off. I definitely had to distance myself from her. I still have love for her, but damn Gina! Trust is broken and I’m pretty certain she’ll never get it back. I’m a Gemini so I don’t play those types of reindeer games. It’s a big deal that I don’t take lightly. I trust you to be exactly who you are... which is someone I don’t fuck with anymore. To be honest, I’ve never thought about the trust factor in my life because it’s NEVER been an issue. I’ve never had reason to doubt someone. In hindsight, that’s definitely a blessing. Some say I should forgive her and move on. Others say fuck her. Even after what she did, I still wish her all the love in the world. But our relationship is indefinitely on the outs, b. Deadass. Meanwhile, I’ll continue to keep being me... despite my ill feelings towards her. I forgive you but I’ll never eva eva eva EVA forget. 

I trust myself to keep being a bomb ass individual, loving, genuine, honest, articulate, cute, sassy, and hard working woman. BOOM.

Like the homie Jill Scott said, “You hurt me, but I’m healing...”

*drops mic*

love. all ways. always.