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It’s interesting how you think life is supposed to go. I’m 31, and don’t have kids. Idk if I’ll ever have kids. A part of me wants to have them and the other part is terrified of being a parent. I’d like to have at least one so I can have a legacy and so I can say, ‘Go get me the remote!” Not only that, but also to break generational curses/cycles. When I was younger, I’d say “I don’t want no kids!!!!” I’ve never been a kid person. Lol. But as you get older of course your perspective changes. With that being said, I have nephews and nieces... who I never get to see. Partially my fault and partially because the relationship was never initiated. Tbh, I don’t have a relationship with any of my siblings... and it hurts. That’s a big reason why I cherish my friends so much. 

When I was in high school my family all lived in the same house. (My mom, sis & her kids and my grandmother). My sister had back to back kids while I was in high school. I helped take care of them. Those were my babies. ESP my oldest nephew cuz he was my first baby boy. I miss him being small. He used to wait on me to get outta school. Now he’s 16. 😩 I’ve always wanted to be aunt that I never had. I wanted to show them things that I had been shown. Show them a different side of life. When they’re not your own, it’s hard to do. I learned the hard way that there’s a thin line between parent and family member. 

Long story short, my relationship with my sister become heavily strained because of her ‘The world owes me everything’ attitude. With that, meant me not dealing with her... I couldn’t see my babies. I’ve always done for them. I’m the only aunt that has ever really came around, took them out, and just been there. But let my big headed sister tell it... I’ve never done anything. I just stopped coming around all together. Now that they’re teenagers... it’s almost like I have to start all over again. In the back of mind, I said I would lowkey wait until they got older to establish a relationship with them. So that they can see me for who I really am and not their mother’s idea of me. 

I’m not gon lie... I’m in my world all the time. I rarely talk to my family... unless it’s my parents or close friends. I don’t have a relationship with any of my aunts, uncles, or cousins. How fucking sad is that??? Smh. It is what it is. I guess I’m feeling some type of way because today is my niece’s birthday. She’s turning 14. I feel so old. My babies are no longer babies. They’re bad ass teenagers. 🥴 

At the end of the day... I just hope we can establish a great relationship and they end up being great people.