Jus Chill

An interesting time for me. A fork in the road, to say the least. I’ve tapped into my vulnerability A LOT the last 2 years. And yet, here I am struggling to make an executive decision. I guess I’m still learning how to truly listen to my intuition. It’s very difficult for me. In hindsight, I always try to do things the right way and a lot of the time it doesn’t work out. So where does that leave me? In doubt, frustration, & confusion. However, I can say at this moment… I’m processing better than what I would’ve in the past. I am aware of what’s going on. And no matter what I decide, no one is going to be happy. While exploring life and love simultaneously, I’ve learned to love/care so deeply, be more open/understanding and challenging myself emotionally. I’ve expanded boundaries and taken more accountability than ever. For a long time I didn’t think this was possible. I didn’t know think that I would ever feel love so deeply or find a companion that really GOT ME. And then, I found someone. My whole life shifted. Shifted for the better. It’s been scary but I can honestly say that I’ve been better for the journey. In the beginning I didn’t so much question a lot of things or emotions, because I was just happy. But, now? I have to question everything because… I don’t want to settle from me making someone else incredibly comfortable. That’s a joy I have. To make people happy, comfortable etc. There are little things that eventually show up in big form. My feelings feel crazy, but I know that they’re valid. This is when I have to listen to my intuition AND God’s voice. I’m sitting still and processing without the beast of overthinking/panicked.

I can’t lie and say my anxiety isn’t on overdrive but I’m handling things a lot better than I have in the past…(or at least I think I am)…

One thing I’ve learned about myself is… despite me ‘loving hard’ and wanting things to work out for themselves… I can walk away. Yes, love will be there all ways. But in this season, it’s time to get back to me… plant more seeds of self love and continue to know what I’m worth.