Squidward (1/6)

I am restless as hell. My sleeping pattern is all the way off. I keep getting headaches and it feels like my body is tryna shut down on me. What in the Tom foolery is happening? My mind will not shut off. Tired, and so mf’n restless. It’s almost like a mid life crisis but in my 30s. My mind is everywhere… it is definitely chaos in my brain. You ever feel like you’re NOT normal? This is my current mood. Like… I don’t feel normal. I want my mood to be light and consistent. Even on meds… as of lately it feels like my energy and mood are just bleh. Granted it is officially winter time, I have no desire to leave the house. When I am in the house… I lay in my bed. But lately… I can’t even sleep properly. Is God tryna talk to me? Is my anxiety on an intense overdrive? POSSIBLY. It could be a mixture of everything. The growing pains I’m currently going through, makes me feel like I’m stagnant at the moment. For me it is a fine balance of being productive and resting. But then again, rest IS productive. I’m in an incredibly weird space. I don’t like it here at all. This is the time to focus on self and heal how I need to. However, I don’t know what that looks like for me. How long do you miss someone? It’s been 4 months and this delayed reaction I’m having fucking sux. Sux monkey balls. I feel every ounce in my body that misses my best friend and once my love. So then that proceeds to go onto other thoughts. Like… “will I ever be happy again?” “Will the next person treat me how my last did?” Dealing with that, loneliness, restlessness, and just constantly working mixed with sleeping isn’t conducive to my life right now. I’m all over the damn place. Idk what to do with myself. Maybe God is talking to me and really tryna get my attention like AYOOO

🗣 RELAX…. talk to me and let’s figure it out. Which actually that’s what I need to do is… pray. Even if I can’t necessarily find the words… HE knows my heart. 

love. all ways. always.